E is for Elusive Eloise #AtoZChallenge

I'd forgotten how time consuming fiction can be to write compared to my little rhymes. I've been fiddling with this short Young Adult fiction piece for hours. I might develop it into something longer. Maybe not. I haven't written a short piece of fiction like this for ages so it was good to write something.

I do enjoy the challenge for forcing me to come up with something each day. Now onto the photo prompt for another challenge I'm doing. These challenges are so all consuming but I do enjoy them.

Ever since that new girl Eloise, started late in the semester, she had intrigued me.
Dressed in baggy clothes with her shaggy brown hair hanging over her face like a curtain, she always slumped in her desk at the back of English class as if she wanted to be invisible.
One morning, I passed her standing in front of her locker.
“Hi Eloise.”
“Hi Peter.” She transferred books to her knapsack without looking up.
 “Do you want to go to the dance this Saturday?”
“You’re asking me?” She looked at me as if I was insane.
“Sure, why not?”
“I gotta go,” she stammered. She slammed the locker door shut. Shifting her knapsack to her shoulder, she trudged away.
I ran to catch up. “What’s the matter?”
 “Why me? You could have anyone.”
“I want to go with you. Why can’t you believe that?”
“I don’t know,” she said looking down, her face flushed.
“I’ll meet you Saturday at seven in the front,” I said, but she didn’t reply.
Saturday night came and I waited until 7:15.
“Why are you bothering with her? Let’s go,” my friend Zack urged.
Just as I went towards the gym, I saw Eloise come through the door.
She had her shaggy hair pulled back and wore a flattering blouse and jeans.
“You look great! I’m glad you came,” I said coming towards her.
“I almost didn’t come,” she said, her cheeks pink and her blue eyes bright. “Since my dad died, my mom’s been drinking a lot and I can’t leave her alone.”
“I’m sorry. That does sound hard.”
“I don’t share about it much.”
“So what made you decide to come after all?”
“You did.”
“Me? What did I do?”
“You made feel special.”
“You are special,” I said and extended my hand.
She took it and smiled. “Thanks. So are you.”

I am participating in the A to Z Challenge writing a blog post for every day in April, except Sundays. http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/


  1. Awww...that Peter is such a cute guy! So sensitive!
    Loved the way you sketched Eloise, Cat! I could picture her clearly, sitting at the back in her class, with her head hung low to avoid getting noticed.
    Superbly done!

  2. What a sweet story, especially since I was expecting a Carrie-like ending. (Too cynical, I guess. ☺) Your description of Eloise really brought her to life. She reminded me of Ally Sheedy's character in "The Breakfast Club".

  3. aww that's a sweet story :D made me smile :D


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